Life on Sayat-Nova Street

It seems, good, doesn't it... living on a street named after one of the greatest trobadours that's ever lived, in the centre of Yerevan - capital of the land of pomegranates, avant-garde cinema, tall mountains and heart-wrenching music. However, my time in Armenia has been severely spoilt thanks to the horrible woman at whose house we are staying.

The following is a list (probably incomplete) of Anahit's rules:

- don't move the washing machine.
- when you cook, do not use more than one pot.
- do not leave leftovers for the next day in the pot you use.
- do not take a shower between 9 am and 6pm as the house might run out of stored water.
- turn on the heater for the water 2 hours before taking a shower, then turn it off not to get electrocuted.
- close all doors so that heat doesn't escape from rooms.
- when you close doors, do it with great care as to not damage the door.
- when you sit on your bed, do not sit on your doona as to not damage it.
- when you pour water into the kettle, do not bring the kettle to the tap, but use one of the plastic bottles next to the tap.
- replenish the plastic bottles after use, but do not screw the lid on, so that the chlorine will escape in gas form.
- when you are in the kitchen, do not stand near the fridge as to not warm it with your body heat.

Breaking any of these rules by any tenant ensures a circular rant at high volume, directed at me (since only I understand Russian). Naturally, my efforts to help out all parties involved go unnoticed. Today, I get this: "You are Polish - a brave, noble nation. Why do you act like you are Japanese? We Armenians don't change our nationality. Why didn't you admit to moving the washing machine, but were sneaking about in your dealings..."

The machine was moved a week ago. I did not move it. I don't know who moved it.

I am not normally vindictive, but for the sake of other travellers, I shall do my best ensure that this woman's "homestay option" is no longer listed as an "option" in any forthcoming edition of the Lonely Planet guide to the Caucasus.